December 15, 2003
DCSOB Holiday Gift Guide
On Friday, Express featured a holiday gift guide for for good children and adults in the DC metro area, divided by Metro station. While some of the gift ideas were good (a lipstick-sized digital camera for Tenleytown hoochie-mamas with nowhere to put a real camera), they could have used some more creativity. Therefore, we present the first annual DCSOB Holiday Gift Guide, sorted by Metro station.
ANACOSTIA: Now that you don’t have a hospital within miles, it’s time to start picking up the slack and taking on some responsibility for the health of your neighbors. What says “I’ve been abandoned by the health care establishment, but that won’t get me down” more than a Phillips HeartStart Home Defibrillator? (Call for price.)
COLLEGE PARK/U OF MD: Sure, the Terps aren’t the craziest partiers in the land, but they can kill a frat boy with the best of ‘em. So before your pledgemaster son has to hold up a mirror to a frosh's mouth to see if they’re breathing, give him a BT-5500 breathalyzer kit. (Yahoo! Shopping, $48.99)
CRYSTAL CITY: You never visit your college pal because he lives in the soul-crushing sameness of Crystal City. What you don’t know is that even he sometimes forgets whether he lives in Crystal Towers, Crystal Gardens or Crystal Plaza. Help him find his way home with the Pharos PK038 Pocket GPS Navigator Kit. (Amazon.com $146.46)
FOGGY BOTTOM/GWU: It’s hard being a State Department official these days – nobody listens to you. Help your diplomat friends stand out with a Von Dutch Trucker Hat, an item sure to arouse jealousy (and charges of being soft on terrorism) from Pentagon brass, formerly the only government officials to hold press conferences wearing hats. (Vondutch.com $42)
SUITLAND: For your favorite Andrews AFB park-and-rider, may we suggest devaluing his or her hard work and training with the Top Gun George W. Bush Flight Suit Doll? Half the proceeds go to Halliburton. (talkingpresidents.com $29.99)
U ST./CORDOZO/AFR. AMER. CIVIL WAR MEM: Your brother’s wife got the kids and the home in Rockville. So what? He’s still young, and the new apartment at The Ellington will really help re-integrate him into single life. Before heading out to Saint-Ex for a chalice of Belgian beer, why not help him read up on what went on in the neighborhood before the Invasion of the Yuppies with Jazz For Dummies. (Amazon.com $17.49)
WOODLEY PARK/ADAMS MORGAN/ZOO: All those exotic animals are dropping dead in your cousin’s back yard and all you’re going to do is complain about mismanagement by National Zoo officials? Why not make the best of a bad situation – or more specifically, make a meal out of a bad situation. Get her in the mood to grill some endangered meat with The Freshman on DVD. (Overstock.com. $10.69)
Posted by rj3 at December 15, 2003 1:20 PM
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