July 19, 2004
The government is trying to steal my mojo, baby
You can't make this stuff up:
Sapped by a conspiracy?How heartening it was to read Vaughn Robison's letter (Readers' Forum, July 12), tying together the problems of fluoridation, mental sedation and the two-party conspiracy.
Finally, someone who knows what I know.
My parents, having fallen victim to this conspiracy early on, subjected me to recurrent applications of fluoride gel as a child.
I first became aware of the effects of these treatments during the physical act of voting. A profound sense of fatigue, a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily, I was able to interpret these feelings correctly: loss of essence.
Wake up, voters! Stock your homes with distilled water and burn your voter registration cards! We can no longer sit back and allow the two-party conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.
Robert Hammer
Salt Lake City
Posted by rj3 at July 19, 2004 12:41 PM
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Comments
I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.
Posted by: dp at July 19, 2004 2:23 PM
From what I recall, Utah's public water system is not fluoridated due to the way-right-wing nuts in rural Utah who believe that fluoridation of the public water system brings the state one step closer to communism. Hence the need for the fluoride gel treatments (I remember getting them as a kid in the Texas boonies). Consequently, Utah has the highest rate of tooth decay in the nation.
SLC'ers like to make fun of these people. SLC's not a bad place.
Posted by: Amanda at July 20, 2004 12:05 PM
I am happy to see that someone (dp) recognized that this letter is a satirical comment based upon the ravings of General Jack D. Ripper. Perhaps this would have been more obvious if the editors had not deleted my original title, "Dr. Strangelove, DDS" and my favorite line: "I still recall the pervasive stench of rain water and wood grain alcohol -- that's what your hardcore dentist drinks."
Posted by: Rob at July 23, 2004 9:56 AM