January 3, 2005
SOB of the Week
I've always found the operation of a few hundred pounds of steel, leather and simulated wood-grain at high speeds to be fairly demanding on my attention. While I may be able to hold a conversation (phone or otherwise) or listen to a CD, anything beyond that has always seemed to be an invitation to disaster. While I have, on occasion, done a one-handed CD switch with a jewel case wedged in the back of the glove compartment, I find modern highway travel to be at least as worthy of concentration as, for example, using the bathroom.
That's why I went from even-tempered to furious switching from 495 to the Dulles Toll Road last night. As I got in lane for the exit, the pickup in front of me suddenly slammed on the brakes and made a turn for the shoulder. I of course had to brake as well, and the chain reaction continues for several cars behind me. As the pickup cleared the lane, I saw the problem, a Navigator with two giant television screens in the back going about 20 miles per hour.
How big were the screens? Pimp My Ride big, maybe 18"-20". I thought I saw porn, which is its own unique road hazard. But how distracting could it be for the driver, who could only hear muffled moans and groans from the front?
As I passed the driver, still going 20 mph slower than traffic on the DTR, I saw the full extent of the media funhouse inside: they weren't watching porn, but professional wrestling (which looks the same at a distance) from not two, but three screens (one smaller unit shotgun). The driver was talking on the phone cradled between her ear and shoulder while smoking a cigarette. The quick braking probably came as this hideous road-monster-b*tch searched the console for her lighter.
Listen lady (and I'm fairly sure it was a lady with family in tow): If you want to live out your own real-life version of a rap video, do it at home with a jacuzzi, Cristal and ornamental dental work -- the rest of us want to live.
Posted by rj3 at January 3, 2005 3:22 PM
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