January 4, 2005
Why the Connecticut Avenue Flags are emblematic of why the Democratic Party fares poorly in large swaths of the country
The people of the D.C. side of Chevy Chase are enlightened, peaceful people. While some are most certainly senile and occasionally have trouble remembering the names of their own shrinks, most Chevy Chasers happily tool around the neighborhood on foot or in their station wagons, loading up on expensive cheese from Rodman's or catching independent films about the problems of middle-aged men at the Avalon. Truly right-thinking folk, these people generate demand for fair-trade coffee and keep PBS stations on the air. As a matter of fact, the area is home to more than a few Democratic Party operatives, who probably love to come home from a hard day of partisan bickering to a neighborhood only slightly less to the left than Takoma Park.
But the people of Chevy Chase had a problem: their neighborhood's commercial strip is centered on Connecticut Avenue, where there have been "several close calls in recent years between motorists and pedestrians," with the motorists likely lobbyists in BMWs taking a shortcut between K Street and the country house in West Virginia, swerving at high speeds to avoid zero-pollution walkers, if only to avoid having to pick the hemp out of the grill.
The point: people weren't getting killed, but the occasional spook had to be dealth with.
So ever since August, if you'd like to cross Connecticut at Morrison or Northampton Streets, you can pick up an orange flag hanging off the side of a pole, wave it in front of you and cross the street at your will. No red light? No problem -- now that lobbyist will see you and your tote bag and will courteously stop.
Now, I've been through the area dozens of times since they put up "Safe Steps," and I always think the pedestrians using the flags are both a) dorky looking (see photo) and b) over-coddled weenies who can't walk the block to the intersection or just time a quick dart across the street like everyone else.
But there's something more to it than looking like a dork. These flags represent the death of the Democratic Party.
Why did the Kerry team take so long to shoot back after the initial Swift Boat attacks? Why was he always lampooned for being a flip-flopping French-speaking windsurfer who married the Queen Bitch for her ketchup money without replying that those comments were indeed rich coming from supporters of a perpetual flunkie New Englander who pretends to be a good 'ol boy by taking on an accent and buying a show ranch right before his presidental campaign?
Why have some political factions been allowed to turn New England, home of the Minutemen, Colt Firearms, The Dropkick Murphys and plenty of other things that can kick your ass, into a synonym for weak?
Because us good liberal types, always more optimistic about human nature than the fire and brimstone types, believe that deep down (train yourself to shudder when you read those words next to one another), they'll come over if they just realize they're getting hurt. After all, we reason over a meal that more likely than not has goat cheese in it, most Republican voters are getting screwed by their party's economic and Iraq policies -- haven't they read What's the Matter With Kansas?
So we shouldn't get mean, attack the other side or misrepresent what they believe in like they do to us. We need to make ourselves heard, clearly articulating our talking points and comparing what they will do to what we will do through charts audited by a reputable accounting firm. If the people just knew what they were getting, they would pick us every time.
These are the people who believe that the most dangerous drivers, the ones who hit people, will slow down if they could only see people crossing the street. They don't need lights, cameras or penalties -- they need to be made aware. And what's more indicitive of a loser liberal than awareness, in its most useless and amorphous form?
Welcome to the permanent minority, Chevy Chase. Unless, that is, you're willing to put down the dumbass flags and pick up a radar gun.
Posted by rj3 at January 4, 2005 2:59 PM
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» Chevy Chase's Feeble Flags
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Comments
Wow, I just thought those people looked like huge goofballs with flags.
Posted by: chris at January 5, 2005 9:19 AM
Yeah, on second look, isn't that Jimmy Carter in the photo?
Posted by: rj at January 5, 2005 9:39 AM
Wow. I didn't realize this was being done in the DC area. A friend who lives in Berkeley actually told me about an identical program as an example of a ludicrous ballot initiative. Turns out it doesn't take long for the local delinquents to notice that the flags are easily stealable.
So... a well-meaning liberal program that even Berkeley residents think is stupid? I don't think it's long for this world.
Posted by: tom at January 6, 2005 1:48 PM
What's with all the flag-bashing? I drive through there every day - the flags work, cars actually are stopping for the people in the heretofore unnoticed crosswalks...
Posted by: Ganymede at January 7, 2005 10:27 PM