April 10, 2005

Washington's Most Loathsome

As I worked on completing this long-promised list last night, I started having second thoughts. Defacing pictures of the power elite and various pretenders as if they were ads on the side of a bus, I wondered whether I should be contributing to the cheap and nasty discourse that makes many people wary of political participation.

The devil on my shoulder would not stand for self-doubt in these matters.

"Peter Angelos is a pretty big prick," he said. And I was sold.

Written by DCeiver and I and inspired by the 50 Most Loathsome New Yorkers list in the New York Press, below are 28 people whose unbridled ego rubs off everywhere in Washington, from the grandstanding backbencher in Congress to the 25-year-old in a striped shirt who simply cannot understand why someone would have the nerve to brush up against him at the Brass Monkey. While many Washingtonians at all levels of the income and career spectrum try to live their life with humility, patience and graciousness, the jerks demand attention. So now they have ours.

Update: A few minor errors fixed.

malkin.jpg28. Michelle Malkin: She's oppressed by the mainstream media, college professors and liberal bloggers who don't like her attitude and politics. Her people (vein-popping righty mouth-breathers) are worried that they're all going to be killed by terrorist immigrants or replaced by Mexican pundits who earn a tenth of their salary. Last year, she wrote a book promoting an internment of unpopular minority groups that was quickly ripped to shreds (start with link and scroll up). It's hard to be Michelle Malkin.

A charter member in the Order of the Perpetually Oppressed (David Horowitz, treasurer), Malkin has the entire federal government and the governments of most states on her side, yet she's still horribly, horribly mistreated and threatened by the remaining liberal boogeymen. What would make you happy, poor thing? Some of us would be glad to send you, Horowitz, Hannity, Limbaugh, Hewitt et. al. to your own private island where you can put up big fences to keep any and all people and opposing ideas from your sodomy-free low-tax wonderland.


27. Courtney Totushek: If you've ever been unfortunate enough to endure a Totushek-hosted open mic at Arlington's semi-venerable Dr. Dremo's, you'll know what we're talking about.Totushek monopolizes the top of the hour, stumbling through songs she can't sing, hasn't finished, and can't remember the words to, all the while braying and gabbing with her little clique of googy-eyed yes men, dishing in-jokes and snarking as if the collected audience were hanging on every word. When she finally relinquishes the stage -- handing herself at least twice the time she gives everyone else -- she refuses to fade into the background, instead standing in view down at the foot of the stage, back to the ensuing performers, continuing whatever insipid, howling conversation she occupied her stage time having. She's an utter boor.If you're really unfortunate, you might also catch her around town as the frontwoman for Rotoscope, who bill themselves as sounding like Coldplay, though it's more like a Coldplay that's been in a harrowing highway collision.

26. Sen. John Cornyn (R-Texas): From the "Late Addition" stack. Cornyn was a complete nobody, and might have remained so, if he hadn't taken the floor this past week and rationalized the actions of an Atlanta area rapist who went on a killing spree last month in a courthouse as the actions of a man frustrated by judicial activism. And you thought that Islamofascists were spooky!

cutler.jpg 25. Jessica Cutler: Is she even in Washington anymore, or does she aspire to be an even smaller piece of floating pond scum in a bigger, sluttier pond? Someone should have told her that if she had kept her dalliances on the DL for just a little longer, she could have been sitting in one of those padded OEOB briefing room chairs like Jeff Gannon instead of getting demeaned in a Meatpacking District bathroom stall.


 


 


24. Violent Go-Go Fans: DC's major contribution to the R&B genre is go-go, and there's no denying it's appeal--non-stop party energy, propulsive rhythms that cradle the booty, and charismatic musicians personalities fill the rooms. So why does this infectious music hardly ever get outside the city boundaries? Because it's hardcore fans can't seem to stop killing one another! With a truckload of bad press and a bevy of venues either shuttered or constantly on the edge of being locked down by neighbors who are sick to death of the violence, it's a despairing inner city cliche. The actions of these few keep go-go's musicians in an industry ghetto while Beyonce Knowles ride their style to the top of the charts. At least Jenna Bush still appreciates a little E.U. now and then.


23. WaPo columnist and mole-man Charles Krauthammer: Like Sen. Frist violating nearly every AMA bylaw when diagnosing Terry Schaivo by videotape, K-Ham relishes in abusing his psychiatry credentials, finding ways to artfully insinuate that you have to be insane to be a Democrat running for office. His abuse of barely-remembered terms from his shrink days is supplemented by the usual neocon chickenhawkishness that got us into this mess with so few troops in the first place.

Remember this whopper from 2002?:

"If we win the war, we are in control of Iraq, it is the single largest source of oil in the world, it's got huge reserves, which have been suppressed because of Iraq's actions, and Saddam's. We will have a bonanza, a financial one, at the other end, if the war is successful."

Yeah, that Iraqi oil money was awesome. Thanks for the free health care, 77 cent a gallon gas and free law school tuition, Iraq!

22. Going Out Gurus Blogger Janet: In a posse with as little to say as the Going Out Gurus,
Janet's ability to produce content is limited to her dubious knowledge of outrageously expensive bourgeois bullshit. Fashion victims aren't really the sort of people who take their cues from bloggers, but Janet doesn't really have the imagination to understand that, and the only thing she seems to have learned about writing is that you are supposed to write what you know -- and what Janet knows best is being a label whore. She makes Plum Sykes look like Don DeLillo, so bad that in the past week, the only mention of her on the GogBlog was another Gogger dissing her. And how pathetic is that?

21. James F. of Why I Hate D.C.: Why do you hate D.C., James? Does that skyline that peeks above the Pentagon as the 395 rounds a corner make you shudder with hate to the point that you turn off to the G.W. Parkway at the last minute rather than actually making it all the way to 14th Street?

This guy obsesses about the murder rate, but spends his time in soulless NoVa, where he bitches about how there's nothing to do. Sure, he'll visit every now and then, picking out the worst places to go and bitching about them, but I won't likely him and his dumbass SuperSonics jacket loading up a U-Haul for Manhattan. It just goes to show that boredom is life-affirming for the miserable but snooty.


mackaye.jpg20. Ian MacKaye of Minor Threat, Fugazi, Pailhead, Embrace and The Evens etc.: The D.C. punk/emo scene isn't nearly as big as you think, thanks to MacKaye's relentless bulking-up of Dischord's back catalog. His latest effort has been described nearly everywhere as painfully monotonous, but because it's Ian f*cking MacKaye, formerly of Fugazi and Minor f*cking Threat, it gets a grudging respect. Out-of-town reviewers often talk about how D.C. punk draws from the city's political energy, but I don't think they mean the concept of seniority. Think of MacKaye as the Strom Thurmond of Dischord: Well past his prime, but he's stuck around so long that they let him hold the gavel now and then.


 


19. Borf: What began as a curiosity inducing spree of creatively placed tags has lapsed into numbing ubiquity as the grafitti artist known as Borf, after claiming his place in the local zeitgeist with eye-catching stencils and sundry feats of derring-do, has devolved into something annoying and ennui-producing. Even worse are the haters in his wake who bite his steez everywhere and only remind the viewer of how he's worn out his welcome. So played out that we fully expect to see "Borf loves the new tender crisp bacon cheddar ranch from Burger King" scrawled on the Whitehurst Freeway any day now.

novak.jpg18. Robert Novak: When Jon Stewart calls Novak a "douchebag of liberty," he's being kind. Novak is fright--he's a gargolyle that looks like he's been made of cheese and left out in the sun for a week. Utterly mendacious and thoroughly meretricious, this walking sack of shit is the type of person you cross the street into oncoming traffic to avoid. When he walks over your shadow, you lose a piece of your soul. It figures that when Karl Rove needed someone nominally involved in the press to commit treason and sell out one of our nation's spies, Novak was first in line and dancing for the chance. Novak's no journalist, he's a dirty bag man without the brainwaves to create anything original on his own. In fact, the only difference between he and Terri Schiavo's corpse is that the corpse was beloved.


17. Restaurateur Jeff Tunks: Have you ever wondered why downtown eating sucks so much? Blame Jeffy, owner/partner of the fusion trifecta of Ceiba, TenPenh and DC Coast. Each of these joints are one carefully-planned degree from the traditional Washington power steakhouse, calibrated for expense-account lawyers and lobbyists to have a good meal at a posh setting without having to deal with any of those scary New York/LA restaurant trends (sitting on the floor, raw food, Lindsay Lohan puking in your soup, etc.). So take your Malpeque oysters and your cr*p on a stick (sorry, skewers) -- I'll be at Ben's.

16. Carol Thompson, former Riggs Bank executive: I held a Riggs bank account for about three months a few years back, and they didn't waste any opportunity to charge me an extra fee for something or other, whether it was seeing a teller in person or not smiling as I entered their (admittedly very nice) Columbia Road branch. While that's par for the course in modern banking, the slow $1 or $2 drip-drip-drip from my painfully-small waiters' pay to their pockets is even more insulting now that we know Riggs is a bank for dictators the world over. The loathsome Thompson cheerily spirited away millions for Chilean strongman Augusto Pinochet. So next time a Riggs ATM asks you for $2 to get to your money, you can let them have it with the knowledge that it's paying the fines for what Nixon, Kissinger and the University of Chicago economics department hath wrought.

15. Cleveland Park Men's Club: Like a sad-sack version of Kelly Ann Collins posse, The Cleveland Park Men's Club are the type of people who keep dated dreck like Defending the Caveman coming back for return engagements. Using some alternaweird reading of history to mask their mincing fright of labias, the Cleveland Park Men's Club assert that essential maleness was the key ingredient to the whole of civilization. It doesn't exactly explain why these essential males have thus far given civilization nothing more than a blog, and I scoff at the idea that I'm supposed to be impressed with the fact that they can fix a sink trap (it's called take your forty bucks and don't stink up my house, there, son). And, just as a quick aside, fellas, if you aren't Cambridge-educated, using the antiquated word "whilst" makes you look like a bit of a ponce. Far from building a case for the primacy of the testicle-enabled, the See Pee Emcees don't quite grasp that their social Darwinist argument has long ago blownback on their ilk, and that their natterings make them look like a recent entry in the Culture of Victimhood. "Queen For A Day" was cancelled a long time ago, boys. Save your money and buy your own damn dishwasher.

14. Ketchum Public Relations: When the Armstrong Williams story broke this year and I heard that there was a PR firm somewhere mixed up in the middle of all the graft and corruption, I nailed it on the first guess. Ketchum. If you've ever read anything by PR Watch, you recognize the name. When it comes to selling toxic waste sauce to go on ADM's genetically enhanced bovine spongiburgers, no one's more willing to sell your poison than these bastards. They are so rotten to the core that when Erin Brockovich offers them the glass of hexavalent chromium they knock it back and ask for more. Says one colleague who works at Ketchum, "Yep. We're fucking evil." She's asked to remain anonymous, obviously, because she knows her boss would impregnate her with Rosemary's Baby if she were ever caught dishing on them.


13. Rep. Ernest Istook (R-Okla.): Since I announced the creation of this list, people have told me that I have a very, very long list of people in Congress from which to draw, assuming that they count as Washingtonians. While the vast majority of Congresspeople don't care much for the District and jet to fundraisers back home as soon as possible, the metro area has drawn the attention of this guy, so he will stand in as pure concentrated liquid douchebaggery for the rest of the asshats in Congress who think we're too dumb to vote.

You may recall that it was Istook who tried to block funding any transit agency (such as WMATA) that runs ads from groups seeking to change drug laws. It was such a naked violation of the constitution that even the speaking-in-tongues Ashcroft Justice Department said it didn't have a leg to stand on. Just like a shy flower waiting for a chance to bloom... getting accosted by Black Israelites on the way out of the Metro Center Station, sometimes attention isn't a good thing.

Michael.jpg12. George Michael: Local sportscaster George Michael oozes such charmless homerism and braying witlessness that it almost makes you want to pick against the home team. Michael likes to appear tough-minded on the set of his wisely-relegated-to-the-wee-hours Full Court Press, but it doesn't take intense study to see that Michael doesn't really know much about sports. His points are routinely lacking in intelligence and he is frequently reduced to mindless carping at his assembled guests -- when he's not alternatively blowing smoke up their ass instead. His "Sports Machine" program was dated a decade ago, and looks so chintzy that it makes you wonder if he stole the Sports Machine set off the third-season Doctor Who backlot at BBC.


11. Carolyn Hax, Washington Post advice columnist: Are there any among the lovelorn who aren’t sorry after they’ve taken their plight to this Fen-Phenned harridan of hackery? Operating from the position that there’s no better medicine than woefully uncalled for ridicule, she generously peppers her advice with belittling barbs. It might yet be amusing if she wasn’t recycling the same old put downs week in and week out, but she’s too damn dim to notice she’s about eight short of playing the dozens. Of course, her own marriage was no great shakes, though to her credit, once she managed to break her ex-husband illustrator, he stayed broken. Still, it’s impossible to see her column as anything other than the bitter remodeling of her own glass house.


10. An anthropomorphic representation of Safeway: For years, the worst inner-city neighborhoods have been plagued by bad supermarkets where poorer consumers spend more money on a smaller variety of less-healthy food. That is, if they had a supermarket at all. Even in rich neighborhoods, urban supermarkets were dirty and badly-stocked. Now that we have Whole Foods and are expecting Trader Joe's and Harris Teeter, gentrifiers no longer have to worry about purchasing spoiled milk or brown broccoli. But in a way, it's nice to know that D.C. Safeways (as compared to the very nice Montgomery County stores) are still operating at the same low quality as always so we can be reminded that even when there is profit to be made, some companies will always write off urban and minority consumers as willing to accept whatever they can get.

9. Peggy Cooper Cafritz: DC's Public Schools are, by most measures, a complete and utter shambles, this despite the fact that nobody tosses more hard currency into the education maw than Washington. There's no one solution, and there's no one problem. But if I had my druthers, DC Board of Education President Peggy Cooper Cafritz would have walked the plank years
ago.Cafritz's ambitions do not lie in the betterment of area schools -- her ambitions are an end in themselves. She's far more concerned with internecine spitball fights and territorial pissing matches -- that's her life's work. I doubt there's anything even related to school improvement on her to-do list, considering the time she spends keeping watch over her petty fiefdom. And woe betide you if cross her, as DCPS transportation administrator David Gilmore recently discovered. Ordered by the courts to relieve the school system's busing dysfunction, Gilmore requested additional budget dollars to implement a system that would meet court guidelines, only to get stonewalled by Cafritz because, well, there is no "because" other than the fact that she saw it as an encroachment. So the court's guidelines won't be met and, as usual, the students get screwed, and Cafritz goes right on knowing nothing about the school system under her purview other than the places where she puddles her urine.

angelos.jpg8. Peter Angelos, owner, Baltimore Orioles: While Peter thankfully remains a safe distance away from DC, his loathsomeness is so voluminous that its daily oozings down the BW Parkway leave most Washingtonians envious of people who get to live near Muqtada Al-Sadr. Angelos has been as resolute in his determination to field one of the most mediocre products Major League Baseball has to offer as he has been idiotic in paying out the ass for his third-rate personnel. But what really makes him despicable is the petulant way he’s done everything possible to force DC to satisfy his whims, whether it’s been the lone braying loudmouth to stand against Washington’s franchise hopes or the mewling way he insisted he owned the television rights for the entire mid-Atlantic. Now stocked with declining bat-corker Sammy Sosa, look for the Orioles to wrap up the meaningful part of their season before the All-Star Break. Yet again.

7. DC101's Eliot in the Morning: The demise of WHFS has shown modern rock to be a fragile medium in this media market. That's why it's such a shame that the one remaining station decides fill its airtime with idiots like Elliot. This whiny-sounding jerk with an annoying laugh is a case study in how not to do the rock format. HFS started sucking some years ago when it started narrowcasting to angsty suburban teens and abandoning college students and others who enjoyed variety and exposure to new music. By playing Linkin Park 27 times a day and ceding the morning commute by running Elliot's dog-and-pony show, the former home of Howard Stern should be all-Hindi news and talk by years' end.


6. Sahir Erozan (owner; Cities. Leftbank): Erozan presided over the culinary train-wreck that was Cities, a restaurant with a singularly retarded gimmick -- that every so often, it would refashion itself after another city somewhere in the world. This thematic schizophrenia naturally resulted in half-assed food at stratospheric prices. By the time you made your way through a badly-burned unrecognizable piece of meat or flavorless soup, you knew that the joke was on you. The blight that was Cities has been replaced by the ungodly Leftbank, of which one look inside at it's severe and charmless decor tells you straight away that it's ground zero for Eurotrash pricks and the cumdumpsters who love them. Plus, apparently, they've got some inelegant racists on staff -- one Tryst bartender, and African-American, who wandered in to wish the rechristened Leftbankers some friendly luck was treated as if he were a walking leper colony by a maitre d' who snapped at him whenever it looked like he might breathe on a
piece of furniture or talk to someone. There is a quiet yet persistent rumor in Adams Morgan that Leftbank may be soon to shutter. We fervently hope this is true.


eidenger.jpg 5. Adam Eidinger, candidate-for-life, poli-sci dilettante: Why work at winning friends and influencing people when it’s so much easier to act a fool? While DC residents wait for their richly deserved Constitutional rights, they can stare at the antics of Adam Eidinger, strutting and fretting his way across the public stage with all the tact of a doughy Napoleon Dynamite. There’s no reasoned position that Adam can’t turn into some surreal non-sequitur, like his obtuse Chinese dragon pyromania in Manhattan or his sore-loser bum rush of the Washington Nationals celebration, where the pudgy Green party wunderkind nearly got his ass beat by man in grandpa diapers. If Eidinger has been a part of the original no taxation without representation crew, we’d be a nation of Tories to this day.


 

4. Washington Examimer Publisher Philip Anshutz: We're not about to begrudge anyone for providing us with something new to read, even if its op-eds are a dumbed-down version of the already fairly dumb Wall Street Journal op-ed page. If there is room for the Moonies in the city's newspaper racks, there is room for another view. But where did he get the bright idea to get former David Duke canvassers to organize distribution. If relentless praise of the neocon agenda and failed Laffer Curve economics is so great for white readers, why freeze out entire minority neighborhoods even if they earn the sort of incomes your advertisers want a piece of? They call D.C. "Chocolate City" for a reason, and it isn't because of the fine desserts offered by the city's restaurants. How about a little love for people east of the park?


cox.jpg3. Ana Marie Cox: In these days of Wi-Fi coffeehouses and Blackberrying in memos from the beach, phoning it in isn't the epithet it used to be. Thus, we need to invent a new word for Mrs. Cox, who graced us with her presence after working for years on failed web publishing ventures that lacked the stunning ignorance of her Gawker Media branch office. Apathetactular? Lazyriffic? Nay, mere words do not describe a woman who storms into the blogosphere on a wave of publicity, proceeds to show that she can't do basic research despite the team of flunkies at her beck and call, break one interesting story, revert for months to writing little more than news summaries and then leave altogether, participating in panel discussions or drunkenly writing a soon-to-be-remaindered quickie book while her interns actually do a far better job as stand-ins.


2. House Majority Leader Tom Delay (R-Texas): He may be the most despicable piece of vermin currently darkening our fair city -- if he went swimming in New Orleans, he'd be mistaken for a nutria and shot for sport. Having ground what little ethical compass he may have possessed under his bootheel long ago, Delay has graduated from party hack to fusspot tinhorn despot through graft and intimidation. He uses poor children as a front for his backroom money deals, sluicing money to and fro between cronies and PACs cheating whatever system he can't just game. He's called The Hammer because of the way he manhandles his Congressional colleagues, but out in the real world, he's actually a noteworthy pussy. There's no one in Washington more roaring drunk on power: the most famous story of Delay's classless behavior was his response to Ruth's Chris Steak House manager Tom Khandker, who, after pointing out that Delay's smoking inside the building (the restaurant was housed in a Smithsonian property) was prohibited by the federal government, received Delay's ill-tempered rejoinder: "I am the Federal Government." In the future, Tom, your response should be: "Really? Well, then, as my public servant, I am going to suggest that if you don't want me to bend you over my knee and extinguish your cigar somewhere in the vicinity of your duodenum, you'll take you and your stogie the hell outside before you get throatpunched." Of course, there is an upside to Delay: apparently, his daughter is a huge skank.


fenty.jpg1. Councilman Adrian Fenty: It's always a little sad when someone spends his career groping for a job he'll never have. Like the aging outfielder stuck playing AA ball or the ass-kissing corporate VP always looking for a promotion he's too dumb or too subservient to get, baldie here is aiming for Minister of Virtue and Vice, but the best he can expect is mayor of this dirty burg, if he gets that far. First, he gets the Council (motto: slightly more powerful than the Pyongyang School Board) to ban the sale of individual 40s in his district, as if drunks couldn't just stumble to the next ward over. But hey, Fenty's Fourth Ward is like circa-1999 Afghanistan: A fervently moralistic leadership attempts to keep the population under its thumb, walled off from its neighbors by forbidding mountain ranges and lawless border areas full of armed men riding around in the beds of Toyota pickup trucks. At least that's how Fenty sees it.

But now that the shiny-headed mullah is looking to expand his domain to the entire District by replacing that bowtied heathen Tony Williams, the whole city must be purified. So now it's violent video games, or games in which you can do things often seen in D.C., like shooting people. This is unlike Fenty-safe games that simulate ice hockey or arranging geometrical shapes as they descend ever-faster so as to form even lines of bricks, at which point they disappear.

So if an alcohol-impaired Fourth Warder can make it down the block to a liquor store in another ward (which would, I suppose make Jim Graham D.C.'s Musharraf), a minor can take the Metro to Pentagon City to get Grand Theft Auto. So here's hoping Fenty will eventually tire of his crusade and let us fester in the moral rot that we pay all that extra rent to enjoy.

Posted by rj3 at April 10, 2005 8:37 PM

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» Drumroll . . . from Restless Mania
DCSOB has finally posted Washington's Most Loathsome, co-authored also by DCeiver. It's wunderbar. [Read More]

Tracked on April 11, 2005 11:23 AM

» The Most Loathsome Washingtonians from Article Online
DCSOB and DCiever had a list of the 28 or so most loathsome Washingonians, which is pretty hard to do. I mean, only 28 people? There is a lot to loathe about this city, so I'm suprised these guys had... [Read More]

Tracked on April 11, 2005 3:01 PM

» and me, and wolf blitzer. from The Regular Staple
if we're including an anthropomorphization of safeway, can we not get a nod for CVS? [Read More]

Tracked on April 11, 2005 3:33 PM

» Most Loathsome Restaurateur? from DCFUD
Fellow DCFUD-blogger rj3, who regularly blogs over at Smorgasblog partner DCSOB has posted the list of Washington DC's 28 Most Loathsome People. Coming in at #17 is the Jeff Tunks, owner of Ceiba, TenPenh, and DC Coast. RJ3 has... [Read More]

Tracked on April 11, 2005 6:37 PM

» Just a slob like one of us from dustbury.com
DCSOB's list of Washington's Most Loathsome manages to include one person from this neck of the woods: 13. Rep. Ernest Istook (R-Okla.): Since I announced the creation of this list,... [Read More]

Tracked on April 12, 2005 3:00 PM

Comments


You forgot Henry Rollins!

Posted by: b. at April 11, 2005 10:39 AM

Well put together and engaging to read. Thanks for helping me pass 30 minutes at work today!

Posted by: Chris at April 11, 2005 11:35 AM

My sources indicate that Rotoscope is defunct, but that Courtney still runs the crappy dremo's open mic

Posted by: Here's a Hint at April 11, 2005 12:36 PM

I'm not sure I understand the Jeff Tunks critique. Are you saying the listed NYC trends would be preferable? Or that there's something wrong with "hav[ing] a good meal at a posh setting"?

I've got no horse in this race, other than having enjoyed a few meals at Ten Penh and Ceiba. Just confused.

Posted by: anonymous coward at April 11, 2005 12:52 PM

This is great. Funny, accurate and occasionally obscure choices. Gotta love a list where violent Go-Go fans stare the stage with Ketchum PR.

Posted by: MJF at April 11, 2005 2:04 PM

Man, those Arlington-based bloggers. So egotistical and full of themselves. Oh, wait...

Posted by: Justin at April 11, 2005 2:15 PM

Where the hell is Pat Colling?

Posted by: UrbanPioneer at April 11, 2005 2:22 PM

You've given Istook a promotion. He's a Congressman, not a Senator.

Posted by: Anonymous at April 11, 2005 2:27 PM

thank god for the inclusion of james F. although his idea might take off: one day i hope to start an i.hate.hoboken blog from the friendly confines of manhattan.

but i should say that following him directly with ian mckaye is a shame. seriously, i don't know that we should be trashing the one sliver of non-go-go musical street cred (and don't shout about travis morrison, or dave grohl's black cat ties) this town has.

and is #0 saved for wolf blitzer?

Posted by: schtaple at April 11, 2005 2:29 PM

I meant Pat Collins from NBC4...a man who could make a traffic fender bender into Watergate.

Posted by: UrbanPioneer at April 11, 2005 2:31 PM

Damn, you should also add the geriatrics from the NewsChannel 8 morning team. And Fox 5, while you're at it!

Posted by: Stone at April 11, 2005 2:47 PM

You have to admit, calling out Ana Cox on two spelling errors and then referring to Rep. Isotook as a Senator is a pretty damn amusing mistake.

Posted by: eebmore at April 11, 2005 2:47 PM

What, no executive branch?

I'd like to submit that whoever added the sign to Loreal Plaza ought to be added to the list posthaste. Loreal Plaza was already pretty weak, but at least pre-sign it wasn't an abject eyesore.

Posted by: Kriston at April 11, 2005 2:50 PM

You forgot that bitch who almost single handedly killed baseball in the District, Linda Cropp.

Posted by: Gregg at April 11, 2005 4:23 PM

I'll wager Ana Marie Cox wears this as a badge of honor. She'll put "named one of Washington's 28 most loathsome people" in the dust jacket of whatever godawful book she is writing.

I would also offer for your consideration Topper Shutt, the Channel 9 weatherman who came up with the "Bread-o-Meter" gauge for measuring how bad a potential snowstorm would be.

Posted by: Basil Valentine at April 11, 2005 4:47 PM

Shouldn't this list actually be called "Random Low-Level Annoyances and Personal Grudges, Plus a Few Politicians I Really Can't Stand." I mean, who's ever even heard of the Cleveland Park Men's Club? Or gives a shit about the person who runs the open mike night at a bar many readers have never even visited? And Adrian Fenty gets to be the top of the list just because of one stupid piece of legislation that he sponsored even though his constituents love him and he usually seems like one of the most level-headed politicians in town?

Sure, Ana Marie Cox belongs on here, and Adam Eidinger, and Malkin and Novak. George Michael should probably be bumped up to the top ten, although I think that Wilbon and Kornheiser give him a run for his money in the "loathsome sports guy" category. Peggy Cooper Cafritz, in addition to everything you mentioned, has the most annoying voice in the entire world. Most of this list, however, comes across as even more mean-spirited, bitchy and marginally-informed than the New York version. Bleh.

Posted by: Nate at April 11, 2005 4:51 PM

"Most of this list, however, comes across as even more mean-spirited, bitchy and marginally-informed than the New York version."

Well, then. Mission accomplished!

Posted by: DCeiver at April 11, 2005 5:02 PM

Who are these people you ask??? You know them if you live and know (not just commute/hang out/sleep) in the district, bitches!

This is fantastic.

Posted by: h at April 11, 2005 5:26 PM

Well done gentlemen.

Posted by: chris at April 11, 2005 6:06 PM

I bet you are the coolest person you know.

Posted by: Tim at April 11, 2005 6:07 PM

You turn a blind eye toward the female members of the congressional black caucus--Queens fighting for the throne--Maxine, Sheila, the other Lee, etc.

Posted by: Tommy at April 11, 2005 6:20 PM

Where's Will Thomas?

Posted by: Don Keydick at April 11, 2005 6:37 PM

Linda Cropp should be #1 and Angelos should be much higher, in my opinion. Also, when you do the most loved, don't forget the crazy Catholic-Church sign weilding guy on Mass Ave.

Posted by: Mason at April 11, 2005 7:13 PM

I agree with the inclusion of everyone on your list except Ana. I saw her on the c-span2 panel. I want to carry her child.

Bruce

Posted by: Bruce at April 11, 2005 7:29 PM

oh ian mckaye isn't so bad. it's hard
work being so idealistic!

Posted by: danhimalplanet at April 11, 2005 8:34 PM

How can Dan Snyder possibly be missing from this list?

Posted by: anonymous at April 11, 2005 9:05 PM

I would have replaced Krauthammer with Maureen Dowd. Like him or not, at least he tries to reason his arguments; Dowd, with her clever-yet-empty turns of phrase, is wasting the best real estate in journalism (as it invariably described). Plus, you've already got a couple of loathsome right-wing pundits -- let's embrace diversity!

And I concur with a few fellow commenters -- James F. was a worthy addition.

Posted by: Washington Canard at April 11, 2005 9:38 PM

"While many Washingtonians at all levels of the income and career spectrum try to live their life with humility, patience and graciousness, the jerks demand attention."

Um, doesn't this whole list prove that MOST washingtonians aren't trying to live their life with humilty, patience and graciousness. You all couldn't wait to jump on these people and bitch.

And where IS Dan Snyder?

Posted by: DJ at April 11, 2005 10:04 PM

He's tied up in my basement.

Posted by: rj dcsob at April 11, 2005 10:10 PM

re: #4

http://www.vistech.net/users/rsturge/laffercu.html

"The problem people tend to have regarding the Laffer Curve is that they confuse economics with their political considerations. Many people have political reasons to desire high income tax rates on the earnings of the rich. They wish to prevent the rich from earning more money, even if the resulting tax revenue is smaller than it would otherwise be, and the economy less productive than it would otherwise be. These people do not believe that the income tax on the rich can ever be "too high." They are willing to deprive the government of revenue and deprive the economy of the productivity of the rich, all for the sake of their politics. There really is no arguing this point, as it is merely the outward manifestation of envy."

nice try, lefty.

Posted by: your mirror at April 11, 2005 10:55 PM

Uh - Sahir doesn't own Left Bank anymore.

Posted by: sp at April 11, 2005 11:23 PM

Gee, when you think about how you can get your business education from Bobby Sturgeon's Cavalcade of Marginally useful Information, it makes you wonder why people spend thousands of dollars going to business school.

Sorry, your mirror, you'll have to do a LOT better than that. That's pretty laughable.

Posted by: DCeiver at April 11, 2005 11:26 PM

I don't want to tax the rich, I don't hate them either, I just really can't stand Dan Snyder! I don't mind that he's trying to pry every last red cent out of the hands of some of the most loyal fans in the country, but it would be nice if he built a friggin team with some of it.

Posted by: anonymous at April 11, 2005 11:39 PM

that is not a substantive refutation.
sorry, ideologue, but your bloated usenet drollery wins no policy arguments. no doubt you're used to that by now.

Posted by: your mirror at April 11, 2005 11:44 PM

"that is not substantive refutation" is not substantive refutation to insubstantive refutation.

pompous and empty? yes. substantive? no.

Posted by: eebmore at April 12, 2005 1:49 AM

Couldn't agree with you more about the overrated George Michael. And where do you get the audacity to tweak the nose of a pathetic overblown self-important pipsqueak like Jeffy Tunks?

Posted by: Algonquin J. Calhoun, Esq. at April 12, 2005 9:16 AM

I don't need to make a substantive refutation of some dude's opinion of the Laffer Curve, because it isn't itself backed up by a shred of fact and is moreover positioned alongside a recipe for "Myrtle's Peanut Butter Fudge." Seriously. I may as well argue with the stupid shit on the side of my Starbucks cup. I was merely commenting, perhaps meta-style, on the breezy way the guy waltzed in with a tiny shred of nothing and was all: "Boo-yeah! Your arguments destroyed! Holla!" Whatever, dude. Those antics would get your ass cut from freshman class.

Posted by: DCeiver at April 12, 2005 9:17 AM

Yah right. Two spelling mistakes equate to "stunning ignorance". This list is total bullshit, reaching this stratospheric height of popularity for the sole reason that blogs like this utterly fail to be funny, while Wonkette is at least 40% funny.

Posted by: Jmc at April 12, 2005 9:35 AM

oh. for the record: the "pompous and empty" I said above was directed soley towards Mr. your mirror, not to DCiever or said such comments.

Posted by: eebmore at April 12, 2005 10:05 AM

How can Dan Snyder possibly be missing from this list?

Agreed. This list is retarded. Fenty as the most loathsome? Please. I live in Ward 4 and am glad the 40's will be gone soon. And leave James F alone, dammit!

Posted by: John Q at April 12, 2005 10:10 AM

I am enjoying the charming, digitally-enhanced illustrations. Nonetheless, in an attempt to secure a position among the 28 most loathesome purveyors of unsolicited grammar correction, regarding item 15, I must point out that "labium" is the singular form and "labia" is plural. Thank you.

Posted by: snh at April 12, 2005 10:38 AM

Of course, comments such as the one above are best issued when they include a misspelling of the word "loathsome."

Posted by: snh at April 12, 2005 10:50 AM

Okay snh, but please watch those hyphenated -ly adverbs. You know how strict grammarians frown on them.

Posted by: Algonquin J. Calhoun, Esq. at April 12, 2005 11:11 AM

Derek McGinty. Is anyone able to watch more than 5 minutes of his "I Am Above-It-All Brilliant" ego-fest at 7 on Ch. 9? Not to mention that his views make him look like a poor man's local version of John Stossel. At least we can take solace that he gets about a tenth of the ratings of "Wheel of Fortune," on at the same time.

Posted by: Gordon Peterson at April 12, 2005 11:19 AM

Great list. I would have gone with Rep. Mark Souder of Indiana, who gave us his Charlton Heston best back in September pushing to let us carry AK-47s on the streets of DC. I saw him on C-SPAN -- like an evil, evil accountant. Him and his 228 goddamn co-sponsors! You can take my NRA campaign check when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.

Quote: "The fact is, we didn't allow the District to have home rule on the selling of slaves, either."

And re: Riggs, I love the real estate, but it is probably beyond charming that they managed to launder approximately the same amount as Equatorial Guinea's GDP in its dictator's account.

Posted by: Ezra at April 12, 2005 11:59 AM

No George Will?
Sure he lives in Maryland, but he's the ultimate DC fixture to the point he once wrote an op-ed shilling for Brooks Brothers called, and I quote, "The Brooks Brothers' Man".

No Marion Barry?
That Barry should get a Lifetime Achievement Award goes without saying.

Posted by: SourceX1 at April 12, 2005 1:35 PM

Alas, you were close but not close enough. Whilst I can't say that I had the good fortune of reading at one of many fine Cambridge University colleges, I did attend LSE and Magdalen College, Oxford. I'm afraid some habits (like my utilization of the word whilst) die hard. I apologize if that makes me seem like "a bit of a ponce". I would point out, however, that I'm also fond of words and phrases like: "I could murder a cuppa"; "blimey"; "the dog's bollocks"; "I'm sodding knackered"; "up yours"; "how’s your father"; and, "shove it where the sun don't shine". Keep up the good work.
Yours Poncefully,
The Economist
(Cleveland Park Men's Club)

Posted by: The Economist at April 12, 2005 2:21 PM

I second the vote for Derek McGinty...what a bloated MF'er. Good thing Law & Order is on at 7 pm.

would someone please tell Courtney from Dr Dremos that she is perpetually off-key? She sang The Church's "Under The Milky Way" one night and I almost spewed my Marion Berry-Ale.

Posted by: PJ at April 12, 2005 2:39 PM

misplaced anger. in a town full of the sleaziest of sleazy lobbyists and political folks, this is who you go after?? No Howard Kurtz? No Bill Frist?

NO GEORGE GODDAMN BUSH??

god i hate fashion critics.

Posted by: ort at April 12, 2005 3:12 PM

this list can't hold a candle to the new york press list. nice try, but a list this obscure is only funny to about 9 people. no barry? c'mon.

Posted by: treomeo at April 12, 2005 3:20 PM

you write like an unfunny debate team nerd.
re: laffer. it's axiomatic. every business abides the principle of laffer with pricing decisions. look up "dynamic scoring" and get back to me, socialist.

"Whatever, dude."

cause this is your united states of whatever.

Posted by: your mirror at April 12, 2005 3:31 PM

I am still steaming over dynamic duds Terry McAulliffe and Donna Brazille striking out in 2000 and 2004. Maybe an honorable mention list is in order?

Posted by: CatCiao at April 12, 2005 3:50 PM

http://clevelandparkjuniorleague.blogspot.com

we're just kind of pissed we didn't make it up there. what gives, homies?

Posted by: anonymous at April 12, 2005 4:01 PM

You forgot me! I was so loathesome I had to leave town and start up a lame site like bloggersmarket.com

Posted by: Jeff at April 12, 2005 4:03 PM

I gotta agree with some of the comments here and say that this list is pretty damn lame. Come on, James F? Wonkette? Adrian Fenty? You've got a mayor who can't even negotiate a good baseball deal. You've got Metro cops who beat up pregnant ladies for eating candy bars. You've got a police chief that doesn't know his arse from his elbow. The list goes on and on and on, and this is the best you can do?

Posted by: albee at April 12, 2005 4:14 PM

Rotoscope: not defunct. Woodshedding and recording.

Posted by: anonymous at April 12, 2005 4:17 PM

awesome. i love the sprawl of names here - it covers the breadth of douchebags in this city far better than any boring old checklist of A-list politicos. of course, i'd have notched in whatever motherfucker brought this city the blight of kickball, but that's just me.

hey your mirror, next time someone uses "failed Laffer Curve economics" in a punchline, first, try to realize that it's a joke, and second, note that in this context its obviously shorthand for the filthy way in which folks abuse the language of economics and not a refutation of theory. surely, the laffer curve exists in a theoretically sealed vacuum and its basic principle is sound, but what is universally recognized as "failed" is the idea that reduced tax rates on the wealthy under Reagan caused booming economic growth and resulted in a better economy. Equity concerns, the abuse of concentrated power, tax loopholes, deficit spending, business cycles, and plenty of other "dirty" real world things make 80s Laffer Curve assertions preposterous. You may agree or disagree, but your isolation of a single phrase out of a million for ridicule is misguided and, frankly, retarded.

Posted by: mooseknuckle at April 12, 2005 4:48 PM

Hey, what about Paul Wolfowitz? Not only is he evil incarnate, is about to be given way too much power as head of the World Bank, and lives in DC, his daughter goes to my old high school which had been previously untainted by evil Republican politicians and their spawn! This cannot stand! Down with Wolfowitz!!

Posted by: Sara at April 13, 2005 1:15 PM

dude, are you just bitter cuz the open mic chick didn't date you? seems pretty personal in with all those real washington people. i can think of a couple of other lead singer biatches you could have gone with....

Posted by: anonymous at April 13, 2005 2:23 PM

I like the phrase "the productivity of the rich". Yes indeed. It must be that productivity which is increasing while the productivity of the average worker is going down, thus explaining the wonder of stangant or declining wages and the increasing wealth of the rich who of course are being paid for being so productive.

Just wait until I bring up that argument in my Econ 101 class!

Posted by: rewofl at April 13, 2005 4:16 PM

"you write like an unfunny debate team nerd"

RJ, not that I agree with what this guy wrote, but you do occasionally have a debate team nerd quality to you.

Bravo on the list.

Posted by: Chris at April 13, 2005 4:25 PM

Adrian Fenty was an inspired fucking choice. You forgot about the part where he wants to end smoking in bars and restaurants though, making some of the very cool dive bars in this city seem like dentist office waiting rooms.

Posted by: Billie Jean at April 14, 2005 12:21 PM

Why thank you, Billie. I agree that a smoking ban would suck bigtime, but the tobacco state congressmen would stop it in its tracks.

Posted by: rj3 at April 14, 2005 1:00 PM

I nominate Laura Bush. If she's not loathsome I'm moving to France.

Posted by: janny at April 14, 2005 5:18 PM

Excellent work.

This is better than the NY list, but the standard is still the Beast's 50 Most Loathsome Americans. They are the original source of the "Most loathsome" meme, BTW.

http://www.buffalobeast.com/2004%20Most%20Loathsome.htm

Posted by: cosmicharlie at April 15, 2005 11:34 PM

clever, clever. Well done. Here's encouragement.

Posted by: king of frosting at April 16, 2005 3:56 PM

Hey rj3...
In response to #27 on your list...
That "open mic chick" has single-handedly done more to help a whole scene of local musician's then some local newspapers and venues combined. I've hosted my own open mic for the last two years or so and it is a routine practice to perform a sound check to work out any problems the sound system might have before setting the musicians to it. Ms. Totushek starting off the evening is just how it should be in my opinion. As far as forgetting lines... all musicians forget lines, recently the world found out that some "performers" don't need to remember their own lines, because they aren't even singing.
I would take a drunken, slurring (but still singing) front woman over a pre-recorded fake anyday of the year.
I think I agree with the comment above.. she probably wouldn't go on a date with you, so you've tagged her as loathsome.
Give me a break, guy.. get over yourself.

Posted by: Nohbody at April 17, 2005 2:44 AM

I don't know how many times I have to repeat this, but I did this list with DCeiver, he wrote #27 and he has his own reasons (I've never been to her open mic). You know, I could assume that the only reason you're pissed is that:

A. I've turned you down for a date at some point;

or

B. You think you have a shot with Ms. Totushek;

or

C. You perform at open mic.

But I won't, because it's stupid to try to project the intentions of people you don't know in order to make you feel better about yourself.

And learn how the posessive form works.

Posted by: rj3 at April 17, 2005 1:51 PM

Michelle Malkin is hot. I'm sorry but no matter how unflattering the pose in which she is caught when the photo is snapped, no matter how much silly digital manipulation is applied, and no matter what insanity comes out of that woman's mouth, SHE IS SO FUCKING HOT. I don't know if it's hard "being" her, but I sure am...well, you get the point.
Oh, I also agree that this list is only funny to about 9 people because most on the list are not immediately known. Nice try, though.

Posted by: blue at April 23, 2005 1:13 AM

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