I would plead that the last rule also be followed by the very young and very old tour groups who get lunch at the Ronald Reagan Building food court. And, if they ALL must get Subway, as usual, please be familiar with the Subway menu (as everybody else in the whole wide world is) BEFORE it's your turn to place an order. THANKS!

Also, don't pause in the MIDDLE of the crosswalk and ask someone trying to cross the street for directions. Not so good.

Lauriol at Dupont is now Touristrific with that neon sign. Tell them to go there.

That *is* a list of things people should do, RJ.

They should also visit Grant Circle at sunset. It's beautiful.

Other Metro don'ts:
Don't try to get your tour group of 25 on the train at rush hour.
Don't stop (during said rush hour) smack in front of the escalator to read your map.
Do visit the rooftop terrace of the Hotel Washington for cocktails some evening; can't beat the view. (Just don't wear the FBI t-shirt).

Walk the C&O canal early in the morning. If you take the walk from Foggy bottom up to the seven mile marker and back it's barely an hour and you end up in Georgtown before the crowds while it's still cool out.

The botanical gardens on the mall (or is it called the arboretum?) in the middle of the day. It's roasting outside so nobody will go into the big greenhouse. it's still cooler in there than outside though.

The bishop's garden at the StPete&StPaul. The opulence of church funded gardening without all the fingerwaving.

Murky Coffee at eastern market right after the morning crush and then walk to the the mall before the really beefy tourists show up.

-WDC

get the hell out of my way

As someone who used to work at Union Station for Amtrak, that last paragraph almost made me shead a tear. This man speaks the truth, friends.

and:

DON'T drive. Admit it, you suck at urban driving. Your stare and gawk drive-bys will only piss off the locals. Even the wide eyed Marylanders in for the weekend. Just Metro it, please. Puh-LEASE.

What if the FBI t-shirt was purchased at India Sari Palace and actually stands for "Full Blooded Indian"?

I would highly suggest taking the family out to DC's premier medieval-themed restaurant, "Camelot."

Also, avoid the crowds and check out the nightlife in Northeast DC. Just metro out to someplace like Minnesota Avenue right before the trains stop running, and take in the scenery. Don't worry, there will be plenty of cabs to get you back to the Best Western.

Finally, after a long hot day of trudging across the Mall, kick of your shoes and take a dip in the pristine waters of the Potomac. The same sparkling waters our Founding Fathers waded in, you'll be "Swimming in History."

thanks for those tips, basil. all super-quality. although isn't the anacostia better suited for a swim? i've always thought of the potomac as a scuba-diving river.

Recommend they stay in Anacostia. So they can see the polluted river, the neglected community, and the crime and filth of the street. Show em the real DC. What people who grow up here see everyday.

Metro strategy for groups: divide into twos or threes. Make sure everyone is very clear on the destination station and where to switch. Release them in groups, instructing them not to worry about getting on the same train as the rest of the group, just to stick with their "buddies".

This worked quite well when I was with 8 other girls for 4th of July a few years ago.

On a related note, 4th of July is not a good time to visit for the first time. Only go to Capitol Hill and/or the Mall on the 4th if everyone in the group is familiar with the Metro and no one has agrophobia.

Watch the fireworks from the VA side of the river, instead.

If you absolutely must have that CIA, FBI or "dC" t-shirt/sweatshirt/baseball cap, do not wear it while in DC. Likewise, pack that new "Washington is just a small Republican town with a big donkey problem" away as soon as you pick it up from the Dulles gift stand.

Unless there is a ugly but expensive piece of jewelry you want to get claim money for without committing outright insurance fraud, there is no reason to use a fanny pack. Wearing a fanny pack in DC is about one step away from insurance fraud, because nothing says "ignorant tourist, excellent target for pickpockets!" like a fanny pack. Instead, consider a dark-colored messenger bag, available at your hometown Target for about $10-15.

Parking in downtown DC is about $15 for a few hours... if there's a space available. Any spaces you see available at the curb are usually empty for a good reason. DC parking fines are much heftier than those in, say, Baltimore. Leave the car at the Greenbelt or Shady Grove Metro station.

When standing to the right on the escalator, keep your suitcase in front of you - not on your left side. Do not try to get a full-size suitcase through a regular fare gate - use the wheelchair gate.

Although DC is your capital, too, please remember that it is also the home and workplace of hundreds of thousands of people - it's not just a vacation spot. Treat it like you'd want other to treat your hometown.