July 5, 2005
Useless Retrospective Weekend Guide
Photo courtesy SNH
Friday: Whoa, Thursday was rough - you haven't had that much to drink since last fully employed. It's best to rest up for the weekend by vegging out with a DVD, some Triscuits and a very moderate amount of PBR.
Saturday: Yes, goths are easy to make fun of, but they sure know how to hold a party. Go down to Edge -- soon to be known as "Center Field" -- for Chiaroscuro. Dress like yuppies to the greatest extent possible for full effect. The music will be goth/industrial inside, but mostly britpop standards outside, which is where you want to be, since the Totally Accurate Useless Retrospective Weather Report predicts perfect outdoor drinking weather. For $7, you get an hour of open bar and $5 pitchers all night long. Share several pitchers. Make friendly conversation about real estate and NoVa politics with a guy wearing horns and his over-pierced friends. Talk to strangers on the Metro.
Sunday: You're likely going to wake up feeling a little descheveled. Relax, you'll be better in time for Kanishka's BBQ in the far, far eastern reaches of the Hill. There will be bison burgers, Natty Boh in bottles and the entire DCist crew.
Then, something might compel you to attend a birthday celebration Perry's dangerously-overcrowded roof deck. When some members of the celebratory crew start talking about escaping to Adams Mill, make a bee-line for the 98 bus and get going eastbound before someone can spill Miller Light on your new shirt.
There will be a long line to get into Taint. Long enough that you will send a friend inside a text message threatening to go home. Long enough to call someone in another city to complain. Long enough that you start talking to the people on line, two of whom work at the same company as the Adams Millers you just fled. Inside, the DJ will have abandoned the indie-rock for house music, leaving N.M. to call the music "too gay." Now that's irony.
Monday: Go to another BBQ, this time at the house of a bona fide Fenty supporter. Find out that he won this particular vote by getting a stolen Supercan replaced free of charge - those things sure are a pain to replace otherwise. Reconsider your visceral dislike of the councilman. "Maybe the Mullah will get my street paved if he's elected mayor if I don't use any dirty words on my blog," you will think.
Eat, eat and eat some more.
Then, it's off to lovely Fort Reno to detonate all the explosives you've been saving for just this event. Blow up a watermelon. Nearly blow up your fingers. Realise that you're more drunk than you may have thought. Remember to get more mortars next year.
Plantains and more beer at Guapos, Metro home. Oh, what a weekend you'll retrospectively have!
Posted by rj3 at July 5, 2005 11:15 AM
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